Eulogy - by Stephen - 22 July 2020

There really is no good way to leave this life. But sadly having seen it happen to a few people close to me over the past few years, the way dad went did have one positive. It forced us all to stop, drop everything, and gather at home to reflect, reminisce and remember him.

 We - his wife, sons and daughters, spent time with him, thinking of him, looking at photos, listening to his music (mostly jazz) and talking about him. You remember the good times - long summer holidays in Ireland, or boozy dinners out on the patio at home, the weddings, the births, even other peoples funerals!  

And as you go through this process, you start to group things together- the attributes and values that made dad, dad.

The first was his sense of Friendship and community. 

Dad was a pillar of this community. Not because he held some political office or some society chairship, but simply because he knew and engaged with everyone, positively. Neighbours, shop keepers, church groups, music groups, sports clubs we attended, the postman, the Catenians, the Guildford Lib Dems - every corner. 

He was visible - in the absence of bobbies on the beat, you could trust dad and Scruffy to spot something awry and do something about it. I have been struck by the numbers of people on the road we live on who have referred to conversations with him. All refer to his pleasantness and the time he had for people. It's no surprise nipping out for a paper would often take up to 2 hours!

It is so sad that we are limited in the numbers present today. Dad was a man of many friends, near and far. I know many will be thinking of him today. Thank you all for coming and to the church team for hosting us in these difficult circumstances.

The second thing I would reflect on dad was his sense of integrity. 

He was someone who always wanted to do the right thing, not just for himself but for all. This was manifest in many ways - in his business dealings during his time at Chubb and Duffels, through to what he taught me and Andrew as children, or even just simply diligently sorting the recycling every week! 

He was meticulous. We've embarked on the task of sorting out his desk last week and I can only describe it as a historians dream. 

Things like 

- Every annual pocket diary going back to 1985!
- a database of hundreds bottles of wine he and mum have sampled going back to 2004. 
- the keys to this very church, which he diligently managed for the parish. Also found were the keys for St Mary's Burpham - a church that no longer physically exists.

But thirdly, the previous two virtues are of limited value without the passion and belief dad held for doing things. 

This was eminently visible in dads lifelong commitment to music. I think when asked what his finest hour was, it would probably have been a gig somewhere. Remarkably he never read music - which means when he played, he felt every beat or note, and read the atmosphere and moment in a way many of us can't comprehend. Certainly having his most recent band, serve chilled, play at our wedding in 2012 captured an atmosphere that could not be matched ot reproduced. 

I think you take your measure of success in life not by what you achieve individually, such as money or accolade, but by what you encourage and inspire others to do.

We are all dads legacy - not just his 4 children or 8 grandchildren, but all of us, in some way.  And I for one, plan to learn from his values to be a better husband, father and person.